The Dating Game?
by nimblnymph
Summary: The game of love is a tricky thing. Sometimes it's good... and other times it's a very painful thing. MirokuxSango, Sangox... an unexpected guest. Humor, complete and utterly cracked out.
1. Chapter 1

Sango froze, blinking in surprise. Her room...someone had been in her room! Roses everywhere, in vases, petals strewn over the floor and bed, tied into a bundle with a crimson ribbon on her pillow. What in the world...

She snatched the note off the dresser, brow furrowed, and read the words, lips moving silently.

_My dearest Sango,_

_I can't stop thinking about you. Everything about you is so intoxicating, from the delicate touch of your hand to the gentle swaying of your hair. When you walk into a room, I feel as though I have no breath with which to speak and describe your beauty. I know I am unworthy of you. Few men in this world are. But it would be my greatest joy if you would have dinner with me tonight. I'll be waiting for you at Dysis, the inn down the road from ours. If you come, it will mean the world to me._

_Truly Yours In All Regards,_

_Miroku_

Sango looked up, jaw dropped and confused. Miroku? That stupid, arrogant, perverted monk! HE was asking her on a DATE! She read the note again to be sure. Yep, it looked just like that. Of all the insufferable... She tried to suppress the memory of when she'd accidentally walked up on him bathing...in the lake...completely naked. Shivering, she hugged herself. A date? She didn't date! She had know idea what she should even wear. Her dress...it was good for traveling, but not for a date.

Wait, was she really going through with this? Was she really agreeing to a date with Miroku? The guy who had them run out of town before they even arrived based on reputation alone? The guy who was arrested and sentenced to forty days in prison for spying on the women's bath? The guy who...

Made her tremble anytime he smiled? Or touched her hand? The man who always showed such concern for her in battle? Who patched her wounds for her?

The terrifying answer to these questions was yes, she was. Sango crumbled up the note. She needed help, and not just the mental kind. She must be insane for going on a date with MIROKU! Sighing, she left her room and went next door. She paused before she knocked, knowing exactly what kind of reaction she was going to get.

"Who is it?" Kagome called. Whew, at least she was alone! If Inuyasha had been in there, she wouldn't have bothered responding.

"It's Sango. I need your help with something," she said, gritting her teeth. Kagome was the only one who knew about dating.

Kagome opened her door, smiling. "What can I help you with, Sango?"

"Um, I need help...well, you see...I need help getting ready for a date." She had know clue how she managed to say it so calmly!

Kagome's smile instantly turned wicked. "Oh, and who is this date with?" she asked.

Damn it, she knew who already! Why was she dragging this out? "Miroku," she muttered.

Sango winced at the shriek of delight, managed somehow to hug the excited girl back. "I KNEW IT! I JUST KNEW IT! Okay, hurry, come inside!" She yanked Sango into her room, opening her school bag and pulling out something.

Sango looked at it and wrinkled her nose. Make up. UGH! But she didn't have time to protest as Kagome attacked her at once, dusting something across her cheeks, painting her lips. "If I look like a whore, you're in trouble," she threatend.

Kagome rolled her eyes. "I'm keeping it light, don't worry. Wow, Sango, you look amazing!"

Sango turned and looked in the mirror, jaw dropping. Was that really her? It was all very light but the touch of eyeliner...the blush. Whoa!

"Okay, now for some clothes!" Kagome left the room. Sango waited and waited. She was about to walk out when Kagome ran back in with something deep crimson and very flowy.

"Here we go! Ready, arms up!"

Sango barely had time to notice it was a dress before it was slipping over her head, fastened up and tied around the waist with a wide white belt. "Good lord, this is way too low cut," she exclaimed. She could see clear down her dress if she leaned back and tried.

Kagome rolled her eyes again. "It is not! You're just trying too hard. Trust me, this is completely decent."

She sat still, not completely trusting the girl. Kagome pulled her hair back and up into a bun, pinning it in place with black chopsticks. Once she was finished, she stood back, grinning. "Sango...you're so beautiful!"

Sango had to admit she looked really good. Taking a deep breath and letting it out, she clutched the long loose sleeves of the red kimono and nodded. "Okay. Here I go."

"Good luck! And have fun!" Kagome called as she left.

* * *

As she walked down the main street, Sango couldn't help but notice people staring at her. Wow, she'd never gotten so many looks before. Maybe there WAS something to all this make-up and stuff. She found Dysis, not even a block from their inn, and went inside, looking around the common room. There, in the back. He had a table set with candles.

She went over to him, smiling when Miroku's eyes went wide. "Sango...you...I mean...amazing," he got out, taking her hand and kissing it.

Sango's breath caught and held. Every time he touched her..."T-thank you. For inviting me," she added quickly.

Miroku smiled and held her chair out for her. "Think nothing of it. It's my pleasure and delight that you came. I hope you don't mind, but I ordered that peach wine you seem to like so much.

He remembered that? It was a little embarassing, really. She'd liked it so much she hadn't really kept track of how much she drank...she was just glad she'd fallen asleep. "Oh, thanks. No, I don't mind."

They sat silently. Sango fidgeted with her hands. This was really awkward.

Miroku sighed and said, "If this is in any way uncomfortable-,"

"No! I mean, it's fine, really. I just...I don't really date that much, so I don't know what exactly to do," she explained. Wow, did THAT sound pathetic.

He smiled again, arm going around the back of her chair. "Then allow me to start." He did, making light and general conversation, asking questions that required more than a yes or no answer.

By the time dessert came around, Sango was relaxed enough to be smiling and laughing and...and having a really good time. Who would have thought the pig had it in him? Miroku covered the whole bill, refusing when she offered some money. "You were my guest for the evening, Sango. If you enjoyed yourself at all, it was well worth it."

Sango blushed at the compliment. How was it possible that he could be so infuriating one minute and the next so incredibly kind?

They walked back to their inn together, and she ventured to hold his hand. He smiled, but didn't say anything. Once outside her room, she turned to him and said, "That was a lot of fun. Thank you."

Miroku leaned one hand against the door. The other still held hers. "I'm glad I could be some part of your happiness, Sango. I thought you wouldn't show up tonight."

To think she'd actually considered that! Looking into his deep eyes, she made a split-second decision. "Do you want to come inside?"

He blinked, surprised. "With you?"

In answer, she did what she'd wanted to do for so long. She moved forward and kissed him softly, a quick brush of lips. Opening the door behind her, she pulled him in and shut the door.

* * *

Miroku was sitting at breakfast with Inuyasha when she and Kagome came down. She'd just told the girl about the date...and afterward. She couldn't believe how amazing it all was. ESPECIALLY after the date! Smiling, Sango went up and kissed Miroku's cheek, sitting down next to him.

Miroku looked at her in complete shock. "While I hesitate to ask a beautiful woman why she just kissed me, I'm afraid I have to do so now," he said.

Sango's smile faded. What..."Well, it was for last night," she said, hoping the idiot would catch her meaning.

Miroku and Inuyasha exchanged glances. "Last night?" he asked blankly.

"Last night," she ground out through clenched teeth, hoping he wasn't trying to be a jerk.

"Um...refresh me again, please?"

She didn't hesitate. Fist balled and cocked back, she slammed him a solid punch in the jaw, knocking him right out of his chair and stormed off hearing Kagome shout abuse at him. The MORON! That two-faced, lying, snake of a man! How could he forget about LAST NIGHT?

* * *

FLASHBACK TO NIGHT BEFORE:

The door shut to Sango's room. Someone looking very much like Miroku let out a ragged breath. Quite the lioness in bed, he thought. He sighed and let his gut fall out from being sucked in the entire time. The human features melted away to reveal...

A badger demon. Hadji was his name. And he loved Sango so much. He waddled away quickly lest the real Miroku find him out.


	2. Chapter 2

Miroku stared at Sango thoughtfully, plucking at his lower lip. Sango ignored him, eating her soup in silence. Kagome and Inuyasha were off somewhere...making out most likely. And he was here with a beautiful woman who had been ignoring him for a week.

"Sango?"

Sango spared him a glare tha clearly said keep-your-mouth-shut-or-it's-going-to-be-shut-permanently. Miroku sighed and resumed his quiet musings. He really had no clue what he had done this time. He was certain she didn't know about the barmaid. Or the mayor's daughter in the last village. Or the fishmonger for that matter. So, what could be the reason for her ire this time? Or maybe it was from that misunderstanding a week ago...

"Sango, if I did something to offend you-," he began.

Sango slammed her palms on the table, teeth gritted. "You know damn well what you did," she snarled.

Miroku very casually pushed his chair further from her. The last thing he needed was a broken jaw. "Unfortunately I don't. I bath regularly, so it can't be that. I haven't been flirting with women." Technically, they weren't women. Women implied older than twenty. He flirted with girls between sixteen and twenty. "I don't snore, I haven't taken to stealing your clothing and wearing it at random." Good, a smile, even if it was quickly hidden.

"I'm not mentioning it, and if you were smart you would drop it," she answered.

Sighing, he resumed his brooding. No, it couldn't be those three. And he'd managed to convince her the one girl was simply confessing her sins to him...even thought half of them involved him. Yes, it had to be that little incident. He decided to take a different approach to getting her to talk, one that he knew very well. "You know, I couldn't help admiring that lovely fragrance you were wearing a week ago."

Sango dropped her spoon and gaped at him. "You...what?"

He smiled, pleased that he'd ruffled her feathers a little. She was so lovely when she was angry. He truly was shameless. "What was that, freesia? I enjoyed it a lot."

"You...you pervert! Do you always go around sniffing women?" she snapped.

"How could I not notice when you were leaning all over me?"

"I was not leaning all over you!"

"You kissed my cheek, therefore you had to lean on me," he replied, very proud of the fact that he wasn't betraying his amusement. There was the angry blush he found so attractive on her!

Her fists were balled tightly. "I wouldn't have done it if I'd known you were going to be such a pig about the whole thing!"

Miroku shrugged. "I still have no clue what you're talking about."

She leaned in, eyes snapping fiercely. "You do so," she hissed, keeping her voice low. "You were there, too!"

"I was?" Did she think...

"You certainly howled loud enough!"

Ahh...Now he understood. Miroku chuckled. "I see. So, you're upset over a fantasy? If you ever want to experience the real deal-,"

"WHAT! That was no fantasy!"

"Sango, don't you think if it were real I would have come back for round two? Or three, or four?"

Sango froze and she sat back, suddenly very still. "You mean...I dreamed the whole thing? The date and everything? But, Kagome...she knew about it!"

"You might have told her about your dream, but it couldn't have been real." She looked completely dumbfounded.

"It was so _real_!"

"Some sex dreams can be. Why, just the other night-,"

"SHUT UP!"

Miroku blinked in surprise. She was genuinely upset! "Sango?"

She stood up and left him sitting in the common room, now puzzled as to why she was so sad.

* * *

Sango rubbed her eyes, covering her mouth. A dream? That whole thing? It couldn't have been! But Miroku had a good point. He WOULD have wanted to keep their relations going. And besides, he wouldn't have bothered to hide the fact they had slept together in front of Inuyasha. If anything, he would have been bragging about it. Maybe it really WAS just a dream...

She lay down on her bed roll on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. And frowned at the crinkling noise from under her pillow. Sitting up, she pulled out a folded slip of paper. Another note? What the...She unfolded it and read what was written.

_To my beloved goddess,_

_That night of magic has changed me. I can think of nothing but your beauty and it fills me with a longing to be near you again. Please, don't deny my heart it's desire and meet me in the shade of the forest outside the inn at midnight. I will be awaiting you in hope that you will be there._

_Your Eternal Slave In Love,_

_Miroku_

WHAT! What was he playing at? It was like two different people. Maybe that was hi problem! She'd always known he was crazy, but split personalities...She reread the note, her cheeks burning hot. And with it came a flashback of that night...his mouth...his HANDS, lord, those hands...Maybe he was just doing this whole double act to see how serious she was about this.

Biting her lower lip thoughtfully, she slipped the note in her pocket and decided to meet him there.

At midnight, Sango snuck out her window and down the side of the inn, quieter than even the alley cats. She certainly didn't want Kagome or Inuyasha to hear her. Judging from the sound of voices...and other things...in their room as she snuck under the window to Kagome's room, they wouldn't have noticed anyway. She ran the rest of the way to the tree line, where she saw a familiar shadow.

Miroku's arms went around her and his lips pressed against hers hungrily. "I'm so glad you came," he whispered against her mouth.

She pushed him and he fell with her riding him to the ground. "Shut up," she said, one hand pressing his chest to hold him still. Sango leaned over and kissed him hard. It wasn't long before he got over his shock and was kissing her back, though.

* * *

Miroku lay awake, listening to the room next to his. Yes, he did hear the window open. He thought he did. Getting up, he grabbed his staff and took the more conventional method of exiting a room by using the door. He paused outside Kagome's room and pressed his ear to it briefly. Poor girl! It didn't sound like things were going very smoothly there. Oh, well! He moved on, waving the barmaid away when she looked up at him eagerly. No, tonight he was solving a mystery.

He pushed himself against the wall of the inn when Sango went racing by quietly, disappearing into the forest. Miroku waited only a few more second before he followed her, keeping to the shadows. He moved carefully, trying not to step on anyt twigs or bracken.

"I'm so glad you came."

He froze, eyes wide. That was his voice! His voice...but it wasn't him. Miroku's eyes narrowed. If it was who he thought... He pressed himself behind a tree and peeked around.

"Shut up," Sango practically snarled, right before- WHOA! Miroku quickly clamped a hand to his mouth in shock. He truly had not thought her THAT flexible! Still...tilting his head for a better view, he had to admire her skill and technique. And the one impersonating him was at least doing a tolerable job of it...of course he was MUCH better. He knew that most people would have qualms involving voyeurism, but as it was himself he was watching, he didn't think it counted. Oh...oh, that was something new! Yes, he'd have to remember that little trick.

An idea was forming in his head as he waited for them to finish up. A truly evil, wicked plan, but if it meant getting Sango at long last...Yes, if she ever found out she would probably castrate him and leave him chained up in a brothel, but it wouldn't be that hard a thing to conceal. Hmm...was a human back supposed to arch that far? Well, Sango certainly was full of surprises.

Miroku sank lower to the ground, back pressed to the tree when they were done and Sango got dressed and left. He waited, listening. A sigh, not at all like his. He stepped from behind the tree, smiling pleasantly. "Hello, Hadji."

The badger demon's eyes widened fearfully nad he abased himself, pressing his nose to the ground. "Miroku," he squealed. "I-I..."

"I'm perfectly aware you have been parading as me. What exactly have you said to Sango?"

"I-I..."

"Hadji, please be quick about it." He flexed the fingers on his left hand. Not that he would actually cast Hadji into that abyss. Hadji may be a nuisance at the best of times and competition at the worst, but he didn't deserve to die.

Hadji let out a startled little scream, eyes now focused on his hand. "I...I told her she was beautiful and that I loved her and that she made me happy..."

"Is that all?"

"Yes, I swear it!"

Miroku nodded once, a pleasant smile on his lips. "Very well, Hadji, I forgive you this time. But stay away from Sango from now on or I will expose your secret. And you know how angry she can get."

Hadji screamed at the thought, shivering. "NONONONONO! That won't be necessary! I promise, Miroku, I promise!"

Miroku nodded once. "Good. Now go back home and don't come here again."

Once Hadji had scampered out of sight, Miroku headed back to the inn and to his room where he fell asleep.

The next morning at breakfast, Miroku glanced up when Sango came downstairs, eying him warily. He smiled and motioned for the chair next to him. They were alone for now, so he could speak freely. "Did you sleep well?"

"None of your business," she answer automatically.

"I didn't. I thought about you all night." And he truly did. The female body never ceased to amaze him with its creativity.

Sango's eyes widened. "You mean...you mean you actually remembered this time?"

"I remembered before, too. But I wished to keep it private from Inuyasha. You know how he can be at times."

"Really, you remember?"

Miroku leaned in and whispered something low so that no one else could hear. But the vibrant red on her cheeks was very apparent.

"I guess you DO remember," she muttered. "So?"

Smiling, he leaned back in his chair. "So, shall we keep this relationship to ourselves?"

Sango actually managed to turn even redder and she couldn't look at him. "My room, in ten minutes." She got up and left.

Miroku sat there a while longer. Yes, this worked very, very well indeed!


	3. Chapter 3

Inuyasha arched a brow when Miroku peered around the corner to the kitchen. They had saved some farmer's family and were staying in his house for the night. "Is Sango here?" he whispered.

"Um...no."

Sighing in relief, the monk came over to the table. He'd been limping a lot recently, Inuyasha noticed, and it wasn't all from fighting evil. "Wonderful!" He flopped into the chair, legs out and head back, eyes closed.

"What's going on with you two?" Inuyasha asked. They'd been fighting a lot in public, and apparently late at night, too, judging from the shouting. Kagome thought it was something else, but he doubted it. Nobody would scream some of the awful things they were during sex!

Miroku opened one eye to pin him with a cold stare. "Nothing that would concern you. Give me five minutes, please, and then wake me up. Unless Sango happens to-,"

Just as he said her name, she came through the door, glancing at the two of them before getting some water. "Miroku, I need to see you for a moment," she said.

"Can it wait? Inuyasha was asking me a very important question," Miroku said. He sounded a little desperate.

"I was?" Inuyasha asked. When did he ask a...oh! He was covering! "Oh, uh...yeah, about that question..."

"I'm sure it can wait, can't it, Inuyasha?" Sango asked. She was giving him the glare that said disagree-and-die.

Gulping at the ferocious glare, Inuyasha squeaked, "Sure, it can wait."

Nodding, Sango said, "Good. Come on, Miroku."

Miroku stood up and followed her with a look bordering on fear. He turned at the door and hissed, "Thanks for nothing!"

Inuyasha had no clue what was going on, but he was sure glad he wasn't the monk that day!

* * *

Miroku flopped back on Sango's bedroll, barely able to move. Not again...please, not again! How did Hachi keep up with her! He never thought he would be one to turn down sex with a beautiful woman like Sango but he was half tempted to. Someone who actually wore HIM out! It was almost unthinkable.

Sango smiled and kissed his bare shoulder. "Ready to go again?"

Forcing a smile, he said, "But, dearest, why get too much of a good thing? Perhaps we should wait for later and-,"

She lifted her head up, scowling. "What if we don't get a chance later?"

That had never happened! Sango always found some way to corner him somewhere, even for a minute. His plan was backfiring on him and all he could do was wait for the explosion. He didn't dare tell her it wasn't him to begin with. Sango's temper was a beautiful thing to see...from the sidelines. He didn't want it ever turned on him! Smiling again, he said, voice a little squeaky, "Good point."

Sango smiled and swung a leg on either side of his waist. "I can think of a better one."

An hour later, Miroku stumbled from her room, body aching in ways he hadn't even begun to fathom. How did that woman function during the daytime? All that pent up passion! She didn't need one man, she needed a whole harem of men! Sighing, he slid down the wall, knees bent up, wincing when he hit the floor. What was he going to do? If he told her he couldn't keep up, she would lose interest. And he certainly wouldn't ever suggest bringing another couple...like Inuyasha and Kagome...into the bedroom again. He'd been bruised up from that suggestion, and not in the fun way either! He needed a break, he needed...

He needed backup. Eyes opening quickly, Miroku's jaw dropped. Yes, that could work! Sango would be happy, he would be happy and Hachi...Grinning slowly, he stood, using the wall as a way to get up. "Miroku, you clever dog, you," he said to himself. He knew exactly where to get his back up from now.

He left the house and traveled into the hills surrounding the area. He'd heard a rumor there was a badger demon living around here, and could only suspect it was Hachi, following Sango even though Miroku had told him not to. Sure enough, he didn't have to look long before he found a cave that was wailing. Or, rather, it's inhabitant was wailing. "Hachi?" he called.

There was a scrabble of nails on rock and a frightened, "He's not here!"

Rolling his eyes, Miroku said, "Hachi, I'm not here to hurt you! Come on out, we need to talk."

Slowly, a black nose came into view, then a grey furred snout. Hachi, still stiffling and crying, stood up, wringing his paws. "Yes, Miroku?" he asked.

"Hachi, I need your help. With Sango."

The minute her name was mentioned, the badger demon's eyes lit up. "How is my delicate blossom?"

Miroku grimaced at the nickname. "I would hardly call her a delicate blossom. More like a raging hornet."

Hachi snickered at that. "But a beautiful hornet all the same. But how can a lowly badger like me help the great Miroku?"

Blushing faintly, Miroku said, "I find myself overwhelmed at times by Sango's...desires. I would like to propose a deal with you."

Hachi edged forward, beady eyes eager.

"Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I get her. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays are yours. We trade off every other Sunday."

"Does she know about this?" Hachi asked fearfully.

"Don't be stupid, of course she doesn't! I wouldn't be breathing if she did. So, agreed?"

Hachi thought about it for a moment. "I get the first Sunday," he said, holding out a paw.

Miroku shook it, smiling. "Very well. And no tricks. We keep each other informed on any conversation. If there is one mistake, Sango will kill both of us."

Hachi shivered and wailed at the thought. "No, no! You have my word as a fairly honorable badger! If I can have even one day with Sango, I would do anything you asked of me!"

"Good. Tonight's Tuesday, so it's your turn. I'm going to be sleeping tonight for the very first time. You will sneak into her room around midnight, which is the usual time. Have fun." He turned and limped off, looking forward to sleeping alone for a change.


	4. Chapter 4

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the very last chapter for The Dating Game? Thank you for putting up with me twisting things up this much. It was fun...in a very sick way. I do know I have them...slightly out of character. But, you've gotta admit this story is COMPLETELY plausible! Okay, here ya go! Thanks again everyone who have been so patient while I lost myself in Saiyuki mode. One story down, another twenty million to go...

* * *

"Miroku."

"Hachi."

The two passed each other in the hall, both of them looking as if they could be twins. Identical black hair, dark eyes...and smug little grins. Miroku was very pleased...no, scratch that, ecstatic...that things were going well. Hachi got what he wanted (time with Sango), Sango got what she wanted (time with Miroku...even if it wasn't necessarily him all the time), and more importantly he got what he wanted (Sango and sleep!). Yes, things were going very well. Very well indeed.

He stopped walking down the hall to his room. Hachi had just left Sango's room to go hide in a hole in the ground until it was his night again. That wasn't what had him bothered. What had him standing perfectly still in the hallway was what he had just said. Everything was going well. Maybe...too well? There was an old saying; Pride cometh before the fall. But, really, how could this fail, he thought as he continued walking to his room. Everything was going as planned. He and Hachi traded off every other night. They were communicating with each other exactly what was said in conversation, what little there was.

He stopped again, eyes wide. Hachi had just left. And hadn't said a word. This was not good. Miroku licked his lips nervously, glancing up and down the hall. He had to find Hachi, and fast!

* * *

Kagome frowned, leaning back to look behind Inuyasha. They had decided since there was a fireworks show that they would clear out for the evening. Inuyasha hadn't wanted to at first. Until she told him to follow her. Now, he was scowling at ehr side, arms folded across his chest. "Hmph, I don't see what's so fascinating about some stupid fireworks! I mean, you wanna see a show, I can-," His hand began to reach for his sword.

"Inuyasha, NO! Bad boy!" Kagome shouted, whirling back around quickly. Him starting a fight was the LAST thing they needed.

Inuyasha's scowled deepend, but he did as he was told. "Geeze, you're so uptight! And why do you keep lookin' at my ass?"

"_I_ am _NOT_ looking at your ass," Kagome railed, stamping one foot on the ground angrily. He was SO frustrating sometimes! "I just thought I saw Miroku leaving the village, that's all."

Ears perking up at that, Inuyasha turned around, eyes narrowed. "Yeah, he IS leaving! Wonder where he's going?"

Kagome did, too. Was there a demon around? She hated suggesting it, but... "Maybe we should follow him."

"YEAH! Now, THAT'S what I'm talkin' about!" Inuyasha was quick to run after Miroku.

Sighing, Kagome took off running after him. "Inuyasha! Inuyasha, wait up!"

"GAAAH!" Inuyasha fell over to the ground at the order, glaring at her. "Hurry UP!"

Oops. She hadn't meant it THAT literally!

* * *

Miroku moved quickly into the hills surrounding the down. Hachi was here somewhere, he knew it. All he had to do was find him, talk to him and get back without anyone noticing. Luckily, Inuyasha and Kagome were out at the fireworks and Sango was most likely taking a bath. He was fine...yes, he was completely safe from discovery. He paused, listening for any sign of Hachi. Where could that badger...There! He followed the sound of someone humming. "Hachi? Hachi, answer me!"

The humming stopped and Hachi crept out of his little cave, beady eyes blinking rapidly. He gave a crooked flash of teeth, rubbing his front paws together. "And how may I help the oh-so-wonderful Miroku?" he asked. "Do you need to take tomorrow night off?"

"Of course not!" He was a little insulted the badger demon would even suggest that he, Miroku, would need more than a day to recover from sex. "You left rather quickly, Hachi, and without keeping me informed. You weren't perhaps trying to pull one over on me...were you?"

"No, no! Perish the thought! Hachi would NEVER try anything to Miroku! I will tell you everything, everything!" Hachi fell to the ground, cowering and whimpering.

Miroku smirked and sat on one of the rocks. "Good. Now then, please proceed. I don't have much time to spare."

Hachi gave a wheezing little laugh and started with his report. "She is thinking about cutting her hair."

"I do hope you told her not to!"

"Of course! I adore smelling her hair, having it fall into my eyes as we-,"

"Stop. Just...no more of that, please." He really didn't need to know THAT information!

"And...she wants to try something...new."

Miroku arched a brow. New, eh? "Really? Enlighten me."

Hachi made a grumbling noise, clearing his throat. "Well...it involves...a whip." The last word was whispered with a trickle of fear and excitement.

A whip... "Are you refering to those small riding crops?" That wasn't too bad...

"No! A whip six feet long! Isn't that wonderful?" Hachi cackled.

Gulping, Miroku dabbed at his brow a little. That...was beyond him. Making love should NEVER involve something used on cattle! Though, a riding crop...no, that was completely different! "I do hope, for your sake, that you vetoed that plan?" he asked coldly.

Hachi whimpered again and began abasing himself. "N-no...I...I rather liked the idea! To think of those delicate hands, whirling a strip of leather around, connecting with my-,"

"Hachi," Miroku groaned in warning, covering his eyes. This...this was the fall. "Hachi...what under the heavens would possess you to agree to something like this without asking ME FIRST!"

"I'm sorry, Miroku! I only thought...you ARE the greatest...please, HAVE MERCY!"

Miroku sighed and stood up. Maybe he could salvage this. Maybe if he... "I'm going back now. Wait outside the next town over and I'll tell you what I'm going to do to fix this." He turned and left Hachi, stepping carefully over the broken ground.

* * *

Kagome kept her hand clamped firmly over Inuyasha's mouth, pressing them both further into the shadows as Miroku descended the hills back to teh village below. Her eyes were wide and had the glazed look of someone who was completely traumatized. She wasn't stupid. She knew what they were talking about! And it was really, really, REALLY low of them! They were both bigger jerks than Inuyasha! And speaking of Inuyasha... "EW! You just licked my hand, you pervert!" She wiped her hand off on his sleeve.

Inuyasha gave her a decidedly evil glare and said, "Well, you shouldn't have been smotherin' me! And what's the big idea, anyway?"

"Inuyasha...you're such an idiot!" Kagome stood up, taking a shaky breath. This wasn't going to be easy, or pretty. But someone had to tell Sango! And as she was the only one with the sensitivity to do it...

"I am NOT an IDIOT! Take it back!" Inuyasha shouted.

"No! And you're a perverted jerk, too!"

"GRRRR!"

* * *

Sango sat on her bed roll, hands digging into the fabric of her skirt, teeth grit tightly and grinding together. That...that...she didn't know WHAT to call him anymore! 'Pig' was too nice. 'Pervert' didn't even begin to cover it. How could he...WHY would he...?

Kagome sat in front of her, hands clenched nervously. She looked ready to run any minute. "I-I'm sorry, Sango. I just thought...maybe I was wrong...Sango?"

"It's fine, Kagome," she said through her tightly clenched teeth. Fury...that was what she felt. She was furious. And she knew exactly how to get revenge!

Standing up slowly, Kagome went to the door, opening it and looking back. "If you need to talk..."

"It's fine. Thank you, Kagome."

The girl nodded and shut the door behind her.

Sango sighed and stood up, looking around the sparse room. The walls were thick and solid. No windows, either. Perfect for what she intended. She smiled grimly at the thought. Yes, Miroku was soon going to learn you didn't mess with a woman's heart!

* * *

Miroku opened the door quickly and quietly, shutting it behind him. The room was dark, but he could still make out Sango's shape lying on the bed. He went over to her, kneeling on the floor, and ran a gentle hand down her arm to her hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss. So soft...such lovely skin. "Sango, dearest, it's me, Miroku." He kissed her shoulder, her neck, working his way along her jaw.

She turned over, smiling, and wrapped an arm around his neck. "Mmm...I've been waiting for you," she purred.

He smiled and bent lower, lips hovering above her lips. And then he grunted when she slapped his face. "S-Sango?" If Hachi...

Sango stood up, fully dressed and mighty angry. "So...want to start explaining?"

Miroku gulped and tried to back away. No such luck. He saw where her foot was aiming and knew he wouldn't be able to save himself in time. "OOOOOOOOOW!"

* * *

Kagome picked her head up, blinking. Did she...she thought she heard a scream. Never mind. She put her head back on the pillow, sighing, and fell asleep again. If anything, it was most likely Miroku getting his butt handed to him on a platter.

The next day at breakfast, not even Inuyasha had the guts to ask why it was Miroku was walking so funny. Or why he shied away from the barmaid like she had the plague.

The only one who didn't seem to be in a bad mood was Sango. She was practically humming as she poured some tea and sat down. And she was sporting a new fur coat of some grey and black striped animal. "So, did everyone have a good night? I certainly did!"


End file.
